Sacred Heart Of Jesus Round Up
The month of June is that time of the year where we can contemplate on the boundless and passionate love that Jesus has for us. As I reflected on my integrity and humility, I decided to write and post a blog in Finding my Integrity with the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus
I have been gradually learning about www.catholicsonline.com and have discovered a great social media to learn more about the ways we can express our love for God. From quilts to books to shirts and coffee mugs, we can surround ourselves with all things God. Celebrating this month with the Sacred Heart of Jesus, here a few more posts to look at.
Sacred Heart of Jesus Quilt Pattern by Jen Frost
Her talent for quilts is remarkable! Visit her site Faith and Fabric Design to learn about what the Sacred Heart of Jesus means to her and learn more about quilts for other occasions.
Live speakers with Lisa Martinez and Alyssa Sanchez
Lisa and Alyssa have a June program on Saints of the Sacred Heart of Jesus with live speakers on 6/6, 6/13, and 6/20 (YouTube promo https://youtu.be/TD8Syx6p_Qc ). Little with Great Love also showcases several of their art and products (art print, pillows, embroidered hats, phone cases, t-shirts).
You can read Alyssa Sanchez’s post at Sacred Heart Round Up
What is the Sacred Heart of Jesus by Andrea Frey
Check out her post in 7 Must Read Posts About the Sacred Heart of Jesus in Catholic365
Amy Brooks and Prayer
Amy shares with us a very personal and special prayer in PrayerWineChocholate . Also, visit her site for books she has written for girls and boys to journal at Journal for Catholic Girls and Journal for Catholic Boys
The Sacred Heart and Michelle Nott
Michelle shares with us her experiences of moving as a youngster while her father was in the military on her site Raising Small Things with Great Love . Her one constant in her moves was having a crucifix and a picture of the Sacred Heart of Jesus.
Sacred Heart of Jesus, I trust in you by Monica McConkey
Monica shares with us ways to stay in prayer during the day. As she states in Sacred Heart of Jesus I Trust in You , “We are called to pray “Jesus, I trust in You” throughout the day, especially during times of struggle or doubt or fear.”
Development in your six-month old
At six-months-old, your baby is rapidly developing with new skills!
It’s Memorial Day weekend and your parents have decided to visit with you, your spouse, and little six-month-old Maggie. The trip from the east side of the state is two hours long but they are here, ringing the doorbell and excited to see their two favorite girls. You exclaim to Maggie that Nana and Papa are here, but she just looks at you. You pick up Maggie and upon opening the front door, you feel your heart fill with joy as you haven’t seen your parents in a couple of months. Nana flashes a huge smile, opens her arms and with a long, melodic “Hello” gives you a hug and takes Maggie. Papa relishes the moment as he sees Maggie smile, hold her neck and trunk steady while she uses her right hand to touch Nana’s face and then proceeds to bounce up and down in Nana’s arms.
The joys and wonders of a six-month-old are hard to measure. You just simply feel it in your heart and wonder how did she so quickly come to be this person that just six months ago was a bundle of joy that cried for milk and very quickly went back to sleep. Not only did she double her birth weight at four months of age and grew in length an extra six inches, but her brain has been multiplying nerve cells at a very rapid pace, also hard to measure.
The bond that you and your spouse have created with Maggie feels comfortable and secure, one that has been building since she was born. Whereas those initial days were fraught with fatigue, insecurity with not knowing what to do, and sometimes reacting in a panic, uncertain if her cry signaled a real hurt or she was just tired and ornery, you both now communicate with real purpose on how to take care of her and how to plan for the day. You both have now grown as a couple and feel more comfortable in your roles as parents. Interestingly enough, Maggie has picked up that you communicate with each other using words and facial expressions.
Speech Development
Speech development begins to manifest itself around four to six weeks of age with cooing. You probably remember how exhausted you felt that first month where all she did was wake up, cry, have her diaper changed, feed, burp and then she was back to sleep. After about two to four hours of sleeping, the cycle would repeat itself… 24 hours a day! You are giving and giving, and gradually become physically and emotionally tired from the lack of good sleep. Then, one day around four to six weeks of age, she socially smiles at you and coos. She is now giving back to you, and it feels wonderful! And so begins your mutual interaction where sometimes it felt like she was telling you of her wonderful day by rhythmically cooing in a sweet melodic tune.
Around four months of age, you might remember, she began to make “raspberry” sounds and spewing spit as she exercised her lips, her diaphragm, and her lungs to make sounds. By six months, she has now started to put two syllable words together without any special, social connotation: da-da-da-da, mum-mum-mum-mum or ba-ba-ba-ba. What’s interesting is that you have gotten excited by her calling out mum-mum-mum. She gradually will make a mental note that she gets your attention when she says that and will later, by nine months to one year of age, give a social meaning to it, and so begins the building of her vocabulary.
Cognitive Development
Another interesting aspect of her using her voice (with crying) is that she is cognitively learning how to solve problems. When crying at first was used as a means of survival (I am hungry), now she has been using it to get your attention. At this age, Maggie is beginning to expect responses from you and your spouse when she cries. In addition, she is learning that she can produce a response from either of you when she cries. Have you heard her “fake cry?” It is good to use proper language with the right tone when you respond to her, rather than talking down to her in a “baby voice.” She will learn to speak more clearly this way.
In addition to using her voice, she has been using her hands to better explore objects. She must mouth and taste them to begin to form concepts in her brain as to what these things are. She likes to touch or grab everything.
The world around her is very interesting as her vision has improved. A newborn’s vision is about 20/400 so they can perceive light, but everything is very blurry. Slowly they begin to form concepts in their brain about straight lines and round objects, to what is dark and bright, to eventually conceptualize objects in their brains. By 6 months of age, their vision is 20/20 and they can see clearly. You may have noticed how difficult it is to change her diaper as she wants to roll to grab a toy or grab your necklace. How about doing baths? Aren’t they so slippery when slathered with soap and they try to check the washcloth? Always a good idea to keep one hand on her for safety while you are trying to do something with her.
With improved vision and having had six months to form a strong bond with you, she has started to recognize you as the person who is there to save the day! In addition, with all her touching, she has been curious about your face, eyes, ears, nose, and lips to begin to form personal awareness. This is the beginning of “object permanence” where you could disappear for a moment, and she knows you are just around the corner. Along with this concept, she will soon start to experience “stranger anxiety” when seeing other people (especially if they want to hold her) and may start protesting when you have these separations.
Gross Motor Development
Along with her interest to investigate everything comes her desire to acquire these objects. Movement, and the progression of gross motor development, goes in a very predictable fashion from the head down to the toes. First, muscle strength and coordination began at the neck and by four months of age, you might remember, you could pull her up from laying on her back and she did not have any more head lag. In addition, if you placed her on her tummy, she could put weight on her elbows and raise up her neck. The chest was off the table a little, but her stomach was flat on the table. Now, at six months, she can push up with her hands and raise her chest and tummy, but her pelvis and legs are flat on the floor. She has learned to “army crawl” or creep. If you stand her up, she stiffens her legs and pretends to jump, although her feet never leave the ground. Rolling over was a reflex at four months, sometimes startling her, but she does it now routinely. You can prop her up in a sitting position, but she does need her arms to “tripod” herself. If she tries to reach for an object, she falls easily because the tripod fell apart. She is not able to get to a sitting position by herself, but she will soon learn around nine months of age how to sit up by herself when she has learned how to crawl.
Her life is filled with frustration as she continues to exercise daily trying to accomplish these milestones, but it is in a way, a “happy frustration” because she is meeting goals. As part of this wonderful bond, you have formed with her, you have learned to be sensitive to her needs and know when to come to her aid when she seems defeated.
Fine Motor Development
Touching and grabbing to form concepts in her brain has been part of her development since birth. To develop her fine motor skills, however, she first had to get rid of her “primitive reflexes,” reflexes that she was born with, including the grasp reflex. By two months of age, she started to open her hands and was transferring objects from one hand to the other by four months of age. When she grabs objects, she uses the “rake” approach where she uses all her fingers and hand to grab an object. It will be exciting for you when she is around nine months of age, and you see her using her thumb and index finger as a pincer grasp to get an object.
So now that you are done reminiscing about her development for the past six months, it’s time to enjoy your visit with your parents. We hope you have a nice Memorial Day weekend!
A health article from Dr. John Spitzer, a pediatrician at Bronson Primary Care Partners (first published on the Bronson Health web site)
References
- Touchpoints: Your Child’s Emotional and Behavioral Development by T.Berry Brazelton, M.D. A Merloyd Lawrence Book, Addison-Wesley Publishing Company, 1992.
- Solving Your Child’s Sleep Problems by Richard Ferber, M.D. Simon & Schuster, 1985.
Finding My Integrity with the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus
As we approach the month of June and celebrate the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, I found myself in prayer, contemplating God’s boundless and passionate love for us. I sometimes find praying in the Ignatian style to be helpful as I try to contemplate Jesus’ teachings. Part of this prayer is to rely on my imagination as I place myself in the scene. Dealing with the concepts of personal integrity and humility pushed me to be with Jesus at the last supper.
The Last Supper
It was evening and the air was cool. The room was small but cozy, walls painted in light yellow and beige. Pillows were on the floor and the disciples gathered at table with Jesus for his last supper. We had lentil soup, bread, and wine. We dipped our bread in freshly made olive oil made that week. After we ate, Jesus stood up and got everybody’s attention. The gospel of John 13: 4-51 recounts the story:
“So, he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.”
When Jesus came to me, he knelt and grabbed my left foot. The softness of his touch made me hold my breath. As I looked down on him, I found myself thoughtless, wondering what I was going to feel. I wanted to carry a conversation, but the moment told me to be still, to simply feel his presence and his care. He washed my right foot and then dried both feet. He looked at me one last time and smiled. I returned a smiled. I felt special by Jesus’ love and care. I then felt a tear drop down my cheek. My body became warm, and my palms got sweaty as I saw him move to the next disciple.
Jesus’ Identity
How confident was Jesus in who he was that he proceeded to kneel before us and wash our feet? The gospel of John, again, helps us understand this identity:
Jesus is explaining to the Pharisees about the good Shepard and his sheep in John 10: 29-30. They are wondering if he is the Messiah and who are his sheep. Jesus replies, “My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand. I and the Father are one.”
Later, after Jesus explains to the disciples that he is the way and is going back to the father, Thomas wants Jesus to show him the Father. Jesus replies, “Don’t you believe that I am in the Father, and that the Father is in me? The words I say to you I do not speak on my own authority. Rather, it is the Father, living in me, who is doing his work.” (John 14:10)
Jesus is the incarnate Word of God, the Son of the Father, consubstantial with the Father. The Holy Spirit binds them together, but also binds us together: “On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you.” (John 14:20).
What is Integrity and Humility?
It takes integrity, humility, and self-confidence to perform Jesus’ act of washing our feet as he taught us about serving one another. He is not thinking highly of himself, and he is not exalting himself. His firm confidence on who he was allowed him to kneel before me and wash my feet. It would be natural to think like Peter and react with objection, “No … you shall never wash my feet.” (John 13:8). But in accepting Jesus’ desire to wash my feet, I get to feel in my heart his sense of being one with the Father, full of love and mercy. That feeling stirs my heart, and I feel compelled to pass on that love and mercy as well.
I decided to look up in the Merriam-Webster dictionary the definition of integrity: “the quality or state of being complete or undivided.” I also recently read from Thomas Merton’s New Seeds of Contemplation2, “In great saints, you find that perfect humility and perfect integrity coincide.”
What is humility but being precisely the person that I am before God. I am no greater than or smaller than I actually am. If I think that I am greater than I am, and I am letting pride take over me. If I think that I am being smaller than I am, I deprecate myself against God’s truth of who I am. I playdown and push away against God who is truth. But God resides in me, and God’s divinity is my divinity … thus, this is part of my being that God wants me to attain.
In humility, as I acknowledge who I am as God sees me in a truthful manner, I consent to God being my all and I surrender myself to God. So, what holds me back from being humble so that I can have integrity?
There are attachments to this world that pull me in one direction or another and don’t allow me to be my true self. These attachments can be material, emotional or spiritual. For example, I may feel attached to my house or car (like I really like them and can’t envision myself without them), or to money, to my body and health (I may worry and feel anxious about my health), or to anger and resentment, or as St. John of the Cross would say, even to certain forms of prayer.
The background noise in the world can also affect my integrity. I want to gel with the current movements of thoughts and action. I want to “fit in.” These pressures, mainly stemmed from my desire to be accepted, can guide, and direct my thoughts and action. I may run the risk of compromising my beliefs and values. I may even be tempted to compromise my faith and my relationship with God.
Where do I go from here?
So how do I remain humble so that I can have integrity? I lean on St. John of the Cross3 and try to die to myself slowly but steadily. In detaching myself from the material, emotional and spiritual realms, I become naked before God, and let God see me as I am, as I truly am. Here, I can let God look at me and love me with all my good qualities and faults. In this relationship of love, God heals me and completes me.
As I look at Jesus one more time, His Sacred Heart overflowing with boundless love, compassion, and mercy, I can see he understands our brokenness and lack of integrity. So, I ask Jesus to pray for me, a sinner with many faults, to heal me, to complete me. In this month of June, what a good opportunity to ask Jesus to have mercy on us and heal us, to let us be open to his boundless and passionate love for us!
References:
- BibleGateway, New International Version. https://www.biblegateway.com
- New Seeds of Contemplation, Thomas Merton. New Directions Book, 2007. Original Copyright 1961 by the Abbey of Gethsemani, Inc.
- John of the Cross by Kieran Kavanaugh. The Crossroad Publishing Company, 1999.F
Daniel Rhodes
Finding God Again and Again by John Spitzer is a spellbinding spiritual odyssey that documents the author’s quest for intimacy with God after finding out that his testicular cancer has returned after thirteen years. The book started as a message to the author’s two children and quickly morphed into a spiritual book that is as resonant as it is inspiring. The author shares the experience of his mortality, faced with cancer, and the troubling thoughts that assailed him while he battled the disease with his wife. The quest for a deeper connection with God and the relationship with God as an experience through which we re-define authenticity and find our real identity are recurrent themes in this book, and the acute awareness of his mortality drove the author to re-embrace his faith, seeking God with sincerity and in truth. This book tells the author’s story while providing valuable spiritual lessons on finding God and embracing Him in our hearts.
John Spitzer’s book is a rare gift of love and faith that brilliantly captures the author’s experience of God’s unconditional love. The title is suggestive of the indisputable truth that God can be lost, but it also reiterates the hope that He can be found, again, and again, and again. The author writes about the place of prayer in the economy of human growth and explores the different kinds of prayers.
But in a nutshell, this book is about self-discovery and the discovery of God. The author identifies two movements of the heart — one that questions who we really are and one that seeks God: “I believe that in the depths of our hearts, we have two main yearnings: we yearn to find who we are, hopefully, to find out we are as God made us to be; and we yearn for love, hopefully realizing that it is God’s love we are looking for.” The link between his identity and his relationship with God is intelligently written and it provides answers to the perpetual ache of the human heart — the ache that nothing can sooth and the void that only God’s endearing and unconditional love can fill.
Finding God Again and Again is crafted in gorgeous prose and in a voice that is compassionate and filled with honesty. John Spitzer’s book is sprinkled with spiritual wisdom and insight, a book that will inspire faith and provide a path for many to find God and themselves.
Reviewed by Daniel Rhodes, May 9, 2022
The Book Commentary
Comstock Park, Michigan
Teenage Mindfulness this Spring
With the stresses of daily life and ongoing uncertainty in the world, it is no surprise that teens may feel disinterested and just want to tune everything out. Is it possible that we can help our teenagers be mindful in the moment? Is it possible we can invite them to experience other ways to relax and release some tension?
The laughter coming from the backyard catches my attention as I look out our kitchen window and contemplate the sun piercing through the clouds and blue sky. I can see the play structure as my son standing in the tower chats with his friend Trevor, who sits at the bottom of the slide. Richie is swinging pretty high after being pushed by Lauren, and Joe is chasing Billy with a water gun as they loop around the fortress (names have been changed to protect their privacy). It is mid-afternoon Saturday and they have chosen to escape their “teenage” world and dive into the playground, reminiscing and enjoying their days when they were much younger and did not have to worry about the challenges of being in high school.
Teens face many challenges as they move from middle school to high school. Not only do they desire to have more independence as they seek more activities, but more responsibility is thrown their way as well – both from parents and teachers. The way that they handle the stresses of life can depend on so many factors, including their temperament and personality; their previous life experiences, and the resilience they may have developed through these experiences; the activities they participate in and how busy they feel; their friendships and whether or not they feel support from those relationships; and their home life and family support. Add to the mix that they start to experience growth spurts, hormone changes and romantic feelings, and life can feel complicated.
Mental Health Problems
Anxiety can pop up easily in teenagers as they try to navigate their adolescence. About 1 in 3 teens may be diagnosed with an anxiety disorder with symptoms that become significant enough to disrupt their daily life. One of the major factors that often lead to anxiety and mental health problems amongst teens is high expectations. This can include the expectation to perform well, or act, look or “be” a specific way. These expectations may be self-imposed, be caused by parental pressure, or simply our American culture to achieve and be the best.
COVID-19 and Uncertain Futures
Mental health has been exacerbated by the COVID-19 pandemic, which has brought on virtual learning and major uncertainty about their futures (as highlighted in a recent New York Times article, titled 12 Teenagers on What Adults Don’t Get About Their Lives). Additionally, a recent Washington Post article mentions the concern that the CDC has for declining mental health in teens. In “A Cry for Help:” CDC Warns of Steep Decline in Mental Health, Moriah Balingit stated that “more than 4 in 10 teens [report] they feel ‘persistently sad or hopeless,’ and 1 in 5 [say] they have contemplated suicide.”
Social Issues, War and Violence
In addition, our world continues to be complicated by social issues, which seem to always be bombarding our psyches. Poverty, homelessness and hunger affect not only developing countries but here in our own country as well. Other areas of concern include climate change, civil rights and discrimination, gender inequality and gender dysphoria, and immigration challenges The current generation of kids and teens are very socially conscious and want to make an impact in our world.
The war in Ukraine has touched all of us. It is natural to feel empathy and sadness, particularly for those who have relatives there. Schools continue to have lockdowns and drills to address shootings, which can potentially cause emotional stresses perhaps not too different from the Ukraine war. The COVID-19 pandemic forced us to restrict activities and to wear masks on a regular basis. It is no wonder that going out in public can create some degree of stress and anxiety, even for us adults – so again, no wonder our teens may be feeling this way too.
Social Media and The Need to “Fit In”
being connected to social media has its positive effects, but can also create enormous negative energy. Today’s teens are very connected and aware of what is going on, not just in their friends’ lives, but also in the lives of everyone around them and so many larger world events. Imperfections are all erased, and “only edited for perfection,” unattainable standard is loud and clear. Appearances carry a lot of weight, to the point that it can be very distressing when posts are negative or offensive to others, or a teen is lead to believe everyone else’s life is perfect.
With all of these daily stresses and looming uncertainty, it is no surprise that sometimes teens feel like just going to their room and tuning things out. They find security in their chats and by posting how they feel. But is it possible we can invite them to experience other ways to relax and release some tension?
More likely than not, there’s going to be some resistance, as venturing out into another activity may rock their boat. But with a little love, some humor and teasing, maybe using words to expand their imagination, we can talk them into going on an adventure with us and enjoy nature, even if it’s just for a couple of hours on a Saturday afternoon. We may not have to go far to experience the wildlife here in our own home of southwest Michigan. One of our nurses used to keep in our office a book about the different birds in our area so kids could identify them as the birds flew by our exam rooms and kids could see them through the windows. Try taking your camera or your phone and capture some of the birds perched on a branch or chasing each other as if they were flying and playing in their own backyard. Perhaps do a nature scavenger hunt walk with phone cameras.
What Can We Do? Where Can We Go?
- The Kalamazoo Nature Center website shares its mission statement, “A not-for-profit organization whose mission is to create relationships & experiences that welcome and inspire people to discover, enjoy, value and care for nature. KNC envisions a resilient community where all people have strong interconnections with the natural world.”
- Asylum Lake is a 274-acre parcel owned by Western Michigan University, located by Drake Road and Parkview Avenue. It supports multiple habitat types including oak savanna, prairie, forest, wet meadow, emergent marsh, shrub carr and two lakes. Birds fly in every so often so it’s good to have your camera ready.
- The Kleinstuck Preserve is also a 48-acre nature preserve owned by Western Michigan University. As stated on their webpage, “This unique ecosystem includes upland forest, swamp forest, shrub carr and marshland which are home to a wide variety of plants and animals. Some of Kleinstuck’s special features include a beautiful showcase of native wildflowers in the springtime and a highly diverse bird population. The property is open to the public for passive recreation and is used by WMU and other educational institutions for research and education.”
- Celery Flats in Portage, as stated on their website, “Is really a ‘park within a park.’ A key element of the Portage Creek Bicentennial Park, Celery Flats, has two distinct settings. On the north side of Garden Lane, the Celery Flats Pavilion offers a nice open-air seating area, picnic tables, restrooms and an air station. The Celery Flats Historical Area, with several relocated and restored buildings, is located south of Garden Lane. The Historical Area is the site of many community events and several of the buildings can be reserved for private group use.”
- The Kal-Haven Trail is, as stated on their website, “33.5 miles between Kalamazoo and South Haven in southwest Michigan. The trail rests on an abandoned railroad bed constructed in 1871. The converted rail-trail winds through gorgeous scenery including wooded areas, farmlands, streams and rivers.”
Consider getting the All Trails: Hike, Bike & Run app as a guide to the outdoors. I found a number of other app’s on my phone that help me discover what’s in my “own backyard.”
So as spring rolls around the corner and we find ways to get outside and experience life, perhaps this might be an occasion to create some bonding time with your teen and spend it in nature. A couple of hours away from the house and disconnected from social media might release some Dopamine from that “feel-good” center of the brain. And who knows, this just might be the break that the doctor ordered to help our kids get back their self-confidence, release some tension and stress, and tackle that school project they’ve been wanting to finish.
(A health article from Dr. John Spitzer, a pediatrician at Bronson Primary Care Partners, was first published on Bronson’s Blog Page on April 15, 2022)
References:
- https://www.healthychildren.org/English/health-issues/conditions/emotional-problems/Pages/Anxiety-Disorders.aspx
- https://www.nytimes.com/2022/03/24/opinion/teenagers-america.html?referringSource=articleShare
- https://apple.news/APl0YpPvyRWy6im3ScPJg3A
- https://www.mindshareworld.com/news/new-research-shows-teenagers-as-socially-aware-considered-and-savvy
- https://naturecenter.org/
- https://wmich.edu/asylumlake
- https://wmich.edu/kleinstuck
- https://www.portagemi.gov/Facilities/Facility/Details/Celery-Flats-2
- https://www2.dnr.state.mi.us/ParksandTrails/Details.aspx?id=353&type=SPTR
Fear and War
I have found myself in this time of lent thinking about the temptations I suffer as a falling creature from heaven. As I see myself in the context of today’s world of war and with the difficulties we have in working together as a community, the temptation of power has surfaced to the top as something to work on. With this backdrop, I have found myself in prayer meditating and discerning with Jesus and the disciples how to deal with the temptation of power as I acknowledge that I may be experiencing fear and anxiety about the future, perhaps feeling a sense of uncertainty and loss of control.
In the gospel of Mark, we hear Jesus predicting his death three times.
Jesus Predicts His Death (Mark 8:31-33)1
31 He then began to teach them that the Son of Man must suffer many things and be rejected by the elders, the chief priests and the teachers of the law, and that he must be killed and after three days rise again. 32 He spoke plainly about this, and Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him.
33 But when Jesus turned and looked at his disciples, he rebuked Peter. “Get behind me, Satan!” he said. “You do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.”
Sometimes I can feel the need to exert my power, even to the point of going against God’s divine providence.
Jesus Predicts His Death a Second Time (Mark 9:30-37)
30 They left that place and passed through Galilee. Jesus did not want anyone to know where they were, 31 because he was teaching his disciples. He said to them, “The Son of Man is going to be delivered into the hands of men. They will kill him, and after three days he will rise.” 32 But they did not understand what he meant and were afraid to ask him about it.
33 They came to Capernaum. When he was in the house, he asked them, “What were you arguing about on the road?” 34 But they kept quiet because on the way they had argued about who was the greatest.
35 Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, “Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all.”
36 He took a little child whom he placed among them. Taking the child in his arms, he said to them, 37 “Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me.”
I may even feel the need to exert my power over others. I wonder if the disciples felt anxiety and a lack of direction as they wondered what Jesus was trying to tell them, and what it meant for them.
Jesus Predicts His Death a Third Time (Mark 10:32-34)
32 They were on their way up to Jerusalem, with Jesus leading the way, and the disciples were astonished, while those who followed were afraid. Again he took the twelve aside and told them what was going to happen to him. 33 “We are going up to Jerusalem,” he said, “and the Son of Man will be delivered over to the chief priests and the teachers of the law. They will condemn him to death and will hand him over to the Gentiles, 34 who will mock him and spit on him, flog him and kill him. Three days later he will rise.”
The temptation of power can bring out the worst in me, even to the point of “mocking and spitting” when I feel threatened by others, but it can be more subtle as I try to control other’s thoughts and actions. During this lent, I can be honest with myself and acknowledge that this negative energy resides within me. I can then go down on my knees, and as the man with leprosy who desires a cure from Jesus, I too ask, “If you are willing, you can make me clean.” (Mark 1:40)
This passion that Jesus talks about is the way of the cross that will be an example for me to deal with my passions, and in this specific story, to deal with the temptation of power. But to approach this event and carry my own cross, I must be honest with myself to identify my passions, and then humble myself before God as I acknowledge that this cross is very heavy to carry by myself and I must do so with Jesus’ help. St. Augustine, in one of his sermons, explains:
“Observe a tree, how it first reaches downwards so that it may then shoot upwards. It sinks its roots deep into the ground so that its top may reach towards the skies. Is it not from humility that it endeavors to grow? But without humility it will not reach higher. You want to grow up into the air without roots. That is not growth, but collapse.”2
When we are in this state of being separated from God and falling to these temptations, then we experience what Thomas Merton is saying in New Seeds of Contemplation3,
- We cannot trust each other
- We hate ourselves
- We tend to ease our burden of guilt that is in us by passing it on to others
- We build an obsession with evil
- We associate failure (punishment) with dishonesty and guilt
What Thomas Merton then proposes is:
- We must try to accept ourselves in our mysterious, unaccountable mixture of good and evil
- We have to respect our own rights so we can respect the rights of others
- We have to learn to trust God that God can protect men unaccountably against themselves, and that God can always turn evil into good
- If we can trust and love God, we can love men who are evil. We can learn to love them in their sin as God loves them in their sin
- If we can love the men we do not trust and share their burden of sin by identifying ourselves with them, then perhaps there’s some hope of peace on earth
By experiencing Jesus’ passion on the cross, I too can overcome my passions so that I can live with God’s free gifts and follow the teachings of Jesus as he states in the Sermon on the Mount, with meekness, humility, and purity of heart. In this state of peace, I can then pass on love to others as Jesus passes his love to me.
References
- Bible Gateway, New International Version.
- Excerpt from the Gospel of John, Sermon 38.2, St, Augustine
- New Seeds of Contemplation, Chapter 18, The Root of War is Fear, Thomas Merton. New Directions Books, 2007. Copyright 1961, Abbey of Gethsemani, Inc.
Self-Efficacy in your Children
“You got this,” Self-Efficacy in your Children
Sometimes psychology terms get confusing for me. Here are three that are on my mind:
Self-confidence: One’s own sense of self-worth
Resilience: the ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change (Webster Dictionary)
Self-Efficacy: the belief in my ability to succeed in achieving a goal. (Albert Bandura, a Canadian-American psychologist and professor at Stanford University, 1977).
One of the challenges we have as parents is trying to raise our sons and daughters to become successful kids who can later become productive members of society. Not caring enough or not getting involved and we have kids who sail without direction, lost and without purpose. Too much involvement and we behave like helicopter parents, setting them up for anxiety and depression later on. Where is the middle, we may ask?
What is Self-Efficacy?
As noted above, in self-efficacy, we develop the belief that we can achieve anything. We have the confidence to know that we can do whatever we set our mind to. We do this by managing how we think (we control our thoughts and learn how to become optimists), how we feel (we control our emotions and better yet, realize we have the power to manage our emotions) and how we behave (we control our actions).
The Main Ingredients for Self-Efficacy
- Bandura believes there are four main sources that influence the development of self-efficacy:
- Mastery of Experiences, one’s previous experiences, particularly success. In essence, success breeds success.
- Vicarious experiences, where seeing others succeed helps us develop the confidence and visualization that we too can succeed.
- Social Persuasion, where coaching and getting feedback by others helps us develop the skills necessary for success.
- Emotional, physical, and psychological well-being can influence our feel about our personal abilities. Eating well, exercising, getting a good night sleep can affect our beliefs in ourselves.
Suggestions for Self-Efficacy
Here are a few suggestions to help your child develop self-efficacy:
- Set goals
- Have them do things they like to do
- Have them try new things and face the challenges
- Teach them to accept failures and criticism in a positive light
- Reframe obstacles with positive interventions
- Approach goals slowly and don’t let them get over-stressed about the ultimate results.
Interesting enough, self-efficacy helps with the development of self-confidence and resilience.
References:
Bandura, Albert (1997). Self-efficacy: The Exercise of Control. New York: Freeman. p. 604. ISBN 978-0-7167-2626-5.
Lopez-Garrido, G. https://www.simplypsychology.org/self-efficacy.html. August 2020.
Mamie Morrow, Why Self-Efficacy Matters, TEDx Talk, May 29, 2019
Jessica Lahey, How to Lower Your Child’s Risk for Addiction, The New York Times, March 31, 2021.
Jerry Windley-Daoust
Vulnerability, honesty, and wisdom characterize the very best spiritual autobiographies (think of Augustine’s “Confessions,” Merton’s “Seven Storey Mountain,” or Day’s “The Long Loneliness”). I found all three in Dr. John Spitzer’s “Finding God Again and Again.”
Spitzer is a pediatrician, husband, and the father of two children who, although he was born in the U.S., spent much of his childhood in Cali, Colombia, before returning to the United States. He wrote this book in pieces over the course of nearly twenty years (2001-2020), labeling each chapter with the month and year of its composition. The result isn’t a neat retrospective, filtered and edited to conform to a dramatic arc. Instead, he took me on a journey through the ups and downs of his life, including several bouts with cancer. Although he gives some details of these experiences, his focus is on his internal life, especially his relationship with God. I got to see this relationship evolve and mature as the trials he faces lead him to new insights and practices. He moves from a more discursive style of prayer, for example, to a more contemplative style, walking us through several rich experiences of encountering Jesus in imaginative prayer. But even in the early parts of the book, Spitzer’s relationship with God is poignantly intimate. I recognized myself in his efforts to get his relationship with God “right”: like me, he has to learn again and again that there is no “getting it right” per se, only a childlike surrender to God’s love and mercy.
Spitzer is Catholic, and the spirituality he practices has a Catholic “flavor,” drawing on Catholic spiritual masters and Ignatian spirituality, for example. There’s an immediacy and rawness to his writing that reminds me of what Therese Martin might have written if she had lived into middle age.
“I have two main yearnings: I yearn to find my identity, and I yearn for love.” Spitzer frames his account with reflections on these yearning at the beginning and at the end of the book: “When I realize both of these yearnings in my relationship with God, then my heart feels at peace.” The search for this peace runs through the whole book; anyone walking a similar path will benefit from the wisdom and guidance Spitzer provides in these pages.
By Jerry Windley-Daoust
Author, Imagine You Walked with Jesus
Parenting Toddlers
Being a parent to a toddler is filled with precious moments of joy and silliness. However, sometimes you may experience some “terrible two’s” hiccups. Read on for some tips to help your toddler learn and develop into a happy, healthy child.
(I originally posted this article on Bronson Hospital’s blog site on February 10, 2022).
A health article from Dr. John Spitzer, a pediatrician at Bronson Primary Care Partners.
What can be more frustrating than not being able to find your words to express your unhappiness, frustration, or anger? Welcome to the toddler years! As parents, these moments are filled with joy and silliness. Sometimes though, we may lose our patience with our little ones because we don’t know how to help them.
In fact, sometimes their aggressive behaviors can cause us emotional and physical pain. Not that they mean for that to happen, but they are simply expressing their negative energy in unintended ways. So, what goes into their response, and why is a 2-year-old more likely to have that aggressive temper outburst compared to an older child?
Factors That Go into An Aggressive Temper Outburst
There are three main factors that go into a toddler’s behavior, be it positive or negative. Keeping these factors in mind can help us navigate these difficult toddler years and their tantrums.
- The child’s age and development. Part of a toddler’s frustration in dealing with life’s challenges is not being able to express their feelings. If you think about your child’s development, you’ll notice that a lot of energy goes into gross and fine motor development for the first two years. But somewhere around 18 months to two years, their energy begins to focus on language development. Typically, an 18-month-old might have around 10-15 words in their vocabulary, rising to about 25-50 words and putting together two-word sentences by two years of age, and exploding to about 1,000 words by three years of age. A typical four-year-old will have too many words to count, talk in paragraphs and tell stories. It is no wonder that two-year-old Tommy hits Jack on the head when Jack takes his truck. It is easier for Tommy to release those hurt and distrustful feelings with a hit than trying to verbalize his feelings.
- The child’s temperament and sensitivity. What is temperament? According to the Webster Dictionary, it is “a characteristic or habitual inclination or emotional response” to activity going on around us. It is our predisposition to act and react in certain ways. Some children tend to get excited, physical, or emotional easily. Some children tend to be sensitive with their feelings or with touch. These types of toddlers are more likely to respond to an adverse event with anger and aggression.
- The child’s past experiences and social environment. Children are constantly observing and trying to learn from their environment. Sometimes, unintended adverse experiences can create an imprint in a child’s mind, then becoming a way for them to solve problems. From remarks of shame such as, “What’s the matter with you?” or “You should know better!” to overt childhood trauma, negative events can become imprints in a child’s psyche and may later come out in a negative way.
Responding to Aggressive Behavior and Tantrums
Once a toddler begins to display some aggressive behavior and tantrums, how do we help them out?
In the moment:
- Stay calm. As a parent, we always want to be in control of the situation. Trust yourself that you know what to do. This acknowledgment will give you a sense of peace and serenity that will allow you to think clearly. If necessary, take a minute or two to collect yourself. Your child needs to see you calm and in control, while they are “spinning out of control.”
- Survey the scene and situation. Try to put yourself in your toddler’s shoes. This may give you some empathy to appreciate what they might be feeling.
- Stop the aggressive behavior or tantrum. While staying calm and very matter of fact, you may say something like, “No-no, we don’t hit.” or “No, you cannot bite.” Then, you want to move into a different location to help your child gain control. Depending on the location and circumstances, you may find yourself placing your toddler in a “safe space” (see below. Sit down and hold your child in a hug (it may take a couple of minutes). Or, put your child in the stroller. During this time, you may find yourself giving some words of reassurance, like “You are going to be ok,” “I know you are upset and it’s ok to feel angry,” or maybe “Take a deep breath, let’s work together on this.”
- Move on. Once you feel your toddler has settled down, try to change the scenery or activity if necessary. If you feel that maybe they have hit a state of boredom, maybe let them run outside in the backyard. Perhaps suggest they try a different activity. This will help reset the field and rules for their interaction with others.
In the moment, we are simply trying to put out a fire. Eventually, what we would like to do is be more proactive and try to minimize these aggressive behaviors and tantrums. In any event, make sure your reaction is appropriate to the circumstances and not an overreaction. Always try to avoid yelling or further traumatizing a situation. Remember, your child is learning from you at that moment as well and will copy your response, positive or negative, as a learned behavior.
Long-term solutions to help minimize tantrums:
It is difficult for children to learn when their brain has been flooded with hormones and emotions. The best way to teach children in the long run is to address potential misbehaviors when they are calm, before they have a meltdown. Here are some suggestions to empower your toddler to solve problems:
- Teach them to self-regulate. Teaching “self-regulation” skills can start as early as the toddler years. The two big challenges toddlers face not having enough words to express themselves, and not being able to control their impulsive behavior. As adults, we can put words to their emotions so they can learn to recognize them. Try phrases like “I know you are angry,” “I know you are hurt,” or “I know you are frustrated.”
Adding new words to your child’s vocabulary that help them to identify their emotions will help them move to the next step: learning how to relax. You can practice relaxation techniques with them such as deep breathing, using the belly muscles to breathe, using their arms to stretch up and out or tensing and releasing their arms and legs.
- Play charades or visualize adverse situations. When your child is calm and in a good mood, act out being mad, frustrated, or disappointed. Ask them how they would make things better or feel better in the acted-out situation. This exercise will help them create empathy and understanding. Listen to their thoughts and ideas, it’s amazing what they can come up with!
- Help your child feel confident and secure. Keep a regular routine at home. This creates a space that is safe, secure, and predictable. Some great times to have a routine in place are mealtimes, bedtime, nap time and playtime. Children like predictability and feel confident when they know when the next activity is coming up.
- Create a safe space. Let your toddler create an area in your house that they consider “safe and cozy.” This should be an area that they can be comfortable going to when they get upset or frustrated. This can be any area in the room or perhaps a tent that you have propped up. Let them choose and create the area themselves. In this area, let them have some pillows, stuffed animals, books or objects that they can safely squeeze, such as squishy balls or larger foam balls.
- Create space for child play with books and toys. Teach them what areas in the house that have “nice things” or “things we don’t touch.” Children do better when they know the rules.
- Play soothing music during the day. Children tend to be more relaxed and may listen better when home feels peaceful. Playing classical or “spa” music at home will help children find a sense of peacefulness that they can try to tap into when having a dispute with another child.
- Reassess as your toddler grows up. Ask yourself if your child is developing enough to be able to use the right words and solve problems by themselves. Supervise your child carefully when they are involved in disputes with playmates. If a disagreement is minor, keep your distance and let the children solve it on their own. However, you must intervene when children get physical, or the issue continues even after they’re told to stop.
When to Seek Help
Despite your well-intentioned efforts to manage your toddler’s aggression and tantrums, you may still struggle sometimes. That is okay and completely normal! If you notice your child is showing signs of the following behaviors, consider setting up an appointment with your child’s pediatrician.
- Your toddler’s aggression is persistent to the point that it is interfering with a healthy and functioning home.
- Your toddler’s aggression is interfering with their social development and ability to play with others.
- Your toddler’s aggression is having an impact at daycare, childcare, or preschool.
References
AAP HealthyChildren.org, Toddler Aggressive Behavior
ZeroToThree.Org, Aggressive Behavior in Toddlers
www.parents.com, Taming Toddler Aggression
AAP HealthyChildren.Org, Childhood Trauma & 3 Ways to Help Kids Cope
I am loved
In prayer group, we recently covered Chapter 10 from Thomas Merton’s New Seeds of Contemplation, A Body of Broken Bones. I could have titled it, “I am loved in spite of my unworthiness.” In this chapter, Merton talks about God’s grace and unconditional love, compassion and being one with all. A key concept in my being able to love “my neighbor” is to have the belief that I am loved by God. As Merton states, “The root of Christian love is not the will to love, but the faith that one is loved. The faith that one is loved by God.”
It is then, in this state of perfect love and contemplation with God, that “our inalienable personalities, while remaining eternally distinct, will nevertheless combiner into One so that each one of us will find himself in all the others, and God will be life and reality of all.”
Coincidentally, the gospel reading from 2 weeks ago was from Luke 5:12-16, Jesus healing the man with leprosy.
12 While Jesus was in one of the towns, a man came along who was covered with leprosy. When he saw Jesus, he fell with his face to the ground and begged him, “Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.”
13 Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. “I am willing,” he said. “Be clean!” And immediately the leprosy left him.
14 Then Jesus ordered him, “Don’t tell anyone, but go, show yourself to the priest and offer the sacrifices that Moses commanded for your cleansing, as a testimony to them.”
15 Yet the news about him spread all the more, so that crowds of people came to hear him and to be healed of their sicknesses. 16 But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.
As I contemplated and prayed on this passage, I went back to my early high school years in Colombia. My mom had gotten me a membership to the Olympic pool at our city of Cali, and I frequented the pool often to swim some laps and get away from the stresses of life. One summer, I developed sores on my feet that gradually became worse. At first, they were itchy and small, slowly turning into scabs as I scratched them. I was hoping they would disappear by themselves but instead they got bigger and slowly began to break open with pus. I continued to play soccer as they did not seem to bother me too much, but they really got my attention when I noticed my white socks were becoming stained with pus. A smell developed from my feet that was repulsive, a smell that today I would describe as “bacterial.” It got my mom’s attention when my white sneakers started showing yellow and red stains. Our family doctor prescribed both antifungal and antibacterial medicines which helped me recover.
Going back to Luke’s reading, I can only imagine how much worse did the man with leprosy feel as he approached Jesus and asked for a healing. With the heat in Palestine, the smell from this person must have been strong. As he was covered with leprosy, I am going to imagine that his peripheral nerves were already damaged and perhaps there wasn’t much physical pain. But the emotional pain had to be significant as he had been ostracized from family and friends.
“Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.” How often have we found ourselves asking God, “if you are willing, you can make me clean?” I would say my petitions are strongest when I find myself in a state of humility, be it from a circumstance that was physical like an illness, or maybe emotional from work. It is in these states that I feel Jesus looking at me, extending his arm to touch my shoulder and saying, “I am willing.”
God appreciates the full worth of our souls. He sees our souls possess dignity and wants to love us unconditionally. God made us in God’s image, and God wants the best for us, helping us realize ourselves to the best of our potential. When I embrace these concepts and make them my own, I can then rest in peace knowing that I have guidance through Jesus’ teachings, and I have the energy that inspires me by the Holy Spirit to do what is right, with full freedom to follow and with no attachments, as I know the Holy Spirit is like the wind where I do not where it comes from or where it goes, but it is always right.
In being one with the Triune God, I can lower my guard as I accept my unworthiness, with all my faults and all my imperfections. I let God spread God’s wings to protect me and care for me. In this embrace with God, I can feel the love and peace settling in my heart as I close my eyes and just rest under God’s protection.
It is in this state of love, as I accept humbly my unworthiness, that I can then love “my neighbor” unconditionally. In this process of helping, as I try to be the best that I can be so that we can become One with God, I discover myself with all my qualities that God placed in my heart but also help you realize your potential by helping you see your own qualities. This state of being creates a harmony that we long to have because it is our nature to be one with God. Then, we can embrace in our full humanity and rest in God’s love and peace
References:
- https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=luke+5%3A12-16&version=NIV
- New Seeds of Contemplation, Thomas Merton. New Directions Books, 2007. Copyright 1961 by the Abbey of Gethsemani, Inc.
